Thanksgiving
I haven't posted in a while, evidence of how well things are going, mostly busy, but good. I've felt slightly anxious this year, less than last year I'm sure, still very sad. Holidays will never be what they could have been with one more little one in the mix, the baby, Ezra. He would be old enough to eat some of the food on his own, he would be messy and cute. I wish so badly he could be here tomorrow, our first Thanksgiving in our own home, with family here, and much to be greatful for, just missing this little guy I still love so much, inviting his spirit to be with us and hopeful for some peace and ability to enjoy inspite.
Baby, I wish you were here for Thanksgiving. It seems miniscule to angst so bad for you to be here that my throat hurts. I can imagine what you look like, at 17 months sitting at the table by me and Daddy, your big brothers, so proud of you on either side of me and Daddy. I would cut your food up really little so you could eat Thanksgiving dinner and you'd really like green bean casserole because it's my favorite. I'd even let you eat pumpkin pie all by yourself. And, when you were done with all they yummy food, even had it in your hair and all on your clothes, I would take you downstairs to the tub and let you splash yourself clean. You'd have to share with Malachi and Josiah though because water doesn't run for but a few minutes and they're in the bathroom stripping of clothes and jumping in the bath. If I light a candle for you tomorrow, will that be enough? Does it show you how much I love you still. If I write on this silly cyber space does it get to you? Do you know what I feel in my heart, how badly I feel that you're not here. I hope we're together again someday and for now I'll hang onto that.
LOVE you for Thanksgiving, Greatful you are still mine Momma.
Baby, I wish you were here for Thanksgiving. It seems miniscule to angst so bad for you to be here that my throat hurts. I can imagine what you look like, at 17 months sitting at the table by me and Daddy, your big brothers, so proud of you on either side of me and Daddy. I would cut your food up really little so you could eat Thanksgiving dinner and you'd really like green bean casserole because it's my favorite. I'd even let you eat pumpkin pie all by yourself. And, when you were done with all they yummy food, even had it in your hair and all on your clothes, I would take you downstairs to the tub and let you splash yourself clean. You'd have to share with Malachi and Josiah though because water doesn't run for but a few minutes and they're in the bathroom stripping of clothes and jumping in the bath. If I light a candle for you tomorrow, will that be enough? Does it show you how much I love you still. If I write on this silly cyber space does it get to you? Do you know what I feel in my heart, how badly I feel that you're not here. I hope we're together again someday and for now I'll hang onto that.
LOVE you for Thanksgiving, Greatful you are still mine Momma.
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With love, Jackie