A lot to say....

Exhaustion? Sure! I can't quite describe what is going on inside. I feel like so many things need to be said, but also sense some obligation to keep certain sensitive matters disclosed and not enough mental stamina to sort it all out.

I've been through a whole gamma of emotions over the last 2 weeks. Abe and I look at each other and laugh over our current state of unluck as I dry tears from hurt worries.

I suppose the first event was very unsettling news of a terrible situation involving a dear family member. Tearful and worried I try hard to go about my own days, focus on the kids and what they deserve of me and my full attention, but wearily I continue to think, baffled and worrying all the while.

I do my best to avoid the news, local and beyond. Something happened last week in Spokane that, try as I may, my standards of avoidance were not enough. The word spread like wild fire, a baby was killed, near River church where Dad and Seth share pastoring. The minimal details alone were so disturbing I felt like shouting at God. WHERE ARE YOU!!?!?!! When babies are being abused and killed....WHERE ARE YOU!!?!?! Some realization came to me that possibly someone would consider me, my story, and this mother and her story, and draw us together even in thoughts, that I might have had some of the same pain, and immediately I resented all of it, especially because it reminded me of my pain, and my constant struggle spiritually to trust a God who is aware of hurt, has the power to change it, but doesn't. The story crept closer and closer to us, to me. The mother came to River seeking prayer and help and I could not believe that there could be a worse, that it would get any closer, and why? That was not even the most of it, personal boundaries were violated and the story continued to slap me in my upset and crying face.

Then, Abe broke his foot and my horoscope today read like this......become good friends with the virtue of patience....for a while you will need it.

So as to scratch the surface of this weary brain and emotionally exhausted heart.