Pure White

I told myself the next orchid I acquired would be a pure white one. It's a new found love of mine, previously uninterested in house plants, now cant get enough of them.

We ran into Safeway and right near the door they were having a sale for those of us who are card carrying club members (everyone right?) Anyhow they had several white ones, and the felt cheap and accessible, so I wasn't sure if it was the right one, but I told the boys how I had thought I would want a white one to sit on the shelf where we place the mementos that remind us of our precious baby. So of course they thought it was GREAT timing, and we should get it, and it truly was very beautiful and delicate.

Immediately I had buyers remorse and I thought of all the ways I would explain to Abe why I bought it there instead of from the small local orchid shop, basically excuse myself from the whole purchase. He was very gentle, he liked the idea as well, and we will take to to Erin at Small Hill Orchids to have it re-potted because she was really wonderful.

But that was two nights ago and since then I have become aware of all the ways buying that very orchid makes a lot of sense.

Four years ago July we were in our quaint little apartment in Homer, AK. The one place we felt more alive than anywhere else we have been before and since then. He was there, so pure and delicate, and we know our hearts miss him more intensely during the summer, when he was here. It's July.

The boys attached right away to the same plant. They are possessive little guys and they rarely come to any agreement on things, which is why I got two bright and beautiful new orchids for our anniversary, they each needed to pick one! When I explained to them why we would get white, and the ways it made me think of baby Ezra, they both agreed! It's white.

Abe and I have committed ourselves to doing what we can to support local small business owners. Erin, at the local orchid shop is such an eccentric and gifted plant lady! The 3 orchids I have are from her. So it was a little disappointing to be buying it from Safeway. Back in Homer the only store we had was Safeway, we bought everything from diapers to wooden spoons and of course all food and drinks there. We rented movies and developed pictures all right there at the local hub, with Ezra's car seat nestled down the middle of the cart with our goods tucked here and there around him. It's from Safeway.

And in the last 2 days since I bought the orchid we have had a double rainbow and muggy rain, both reminders of gifts Ezra has sent us in the time after his precious life. And we have been struggling with our emotions, unsure of exactly what is troubling us, and I think today I realize we are living out some of those unspoken, deep in the heart remembrances......and the glimpse of all that it is......and the season of Ezra..........and it's intense and emotional......and I'm really glad I bought the white orchid from Safeway.