Its a June
We just put an offer on a piece of property. I have a few tears welling in my eyes, my stomach is woozy and I have a jitter in my limbs.
It seems like the next big (huge, ginormous, gargantuan) leap in our journey, and it feels like we're doing it with a blindfold on. Ive never been a good dreamer. I need to know what to do right now, what to put my hands on, what needs done first. So when I look out at this piece, the one we want, that makes sense like none of the other ones have, I know it's beautiful and I can at least envision the kids running their little dirty legs off. And that's as far as I can get. But even to own that dream, we have to give some vague name of a man more money than we have in our accounts, over the period of 5 years, or so we have proposed. He could say no! And thats scary!
The last time we stuck our hand out to be led into this sort of leap, the house buying kind, we were caught by a pretty shifty situation, by a bank that has our hands tied behind our back, still. It was those days where we still had an open bleeding wound of death on our hands and still, they saw us as a good sell, and we struggled that out for five years before we found the courage to better the whole picture and move out.
I don't want to say I miss our boy one more time, it's getting old, even though it's so true still now, the year he would turn 8 and the year he'll be gone for 8.
I miss him here in this part, there I said it. I want him to be one of the ones that might get to wiggle his growing limbs on this piece of land that we want. It's these big moments that remind me of our hole.
It seems like the next big (huge, ginormous, gargantuan) leap in our journey, and it feels like we're doing it with a blindfold on. Ive never been a good dreamer. I need to know what to do right now, what to put my hands on, what needs done first. So when I look out at this piece, the one we want, that makes sense like none of the other ones have, I know it's beautiful and I can at least envision the kids running their little dirty legs off. And that's as far as I can get. But even to own that dream, we have to give some vague name of a man more money than we have in our accounts, over the period of 5 years, or so we have proposed. He could say no! And thats scary!
The last time we stuck our hand out to be led into this sort of leap, the house buying kind, we were caught by a pretty shifty situation, by a bank that has our hands tied behind our back, still. It was those days where we still had an open bleeding wound of death on our hands and still, they saw us as a good sell, and we struggled that out for five years before we found the courage to better the whole picture and move out.
I don't want to say I miss our boy one more time, it's getting old, even though it's so true still now, the year he would turn 8 and the year he'll be gone for 8.
I miss him here in this part, there I said it. I want him to be one of the ones that might get to wiggle his growing limbs on this piece of land that we want. It's these big moments that remind me of our hole.
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