Happy Thanksgiving?
I realized today that I'm dreading Thanksgiving. It will be the first major holiday without Ezra. We managed to avoid Halloween somewhat, but thats slightly insignificant in our family. Thanksgiving on the other hand seems to be bearing down on me as a huge reminder that one of our precious family members is missing.
When it's myturn to say what I am thankful for, what am I supposed to say? Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for everyday that I had Ezra, the time he was growing inside me, the night I woke up at 11:00 after some short interupted sleep with strong contractions, every day he breathed air on this earth. But then, I feel ungreatful because it's not fair that I don't get to hold him. I'm ungreatful for sadness, torment and bad dreams. I want the life I could have had full of joy and warm fuzzies. I want my baby to snuggle with and nurse. Those are the things I want to be thankful for.
Instead, I get to be thankful for sympathy and mourning. Some small comfort in the midst of this hell. I'm thankful for God's provisions, and that I'm allowing myself to be mad at him in spite. As a father he understands me.
Regardless of this life one thing I know for sure I can be thankful for, my family. Amazing. Abe, Dad, Mom, Nathan, Amy, Seth and Sarah, and of course all the munchkins. Also, the Henderson/McConnell side.
Happy Thanksgiving!
When it's myturn to say what I am thankful for, what am I supposed to say? Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for everyday that I had Ezra, the time he was growing inside me, the night I woke up at 11:00 after some short interupted sleep with strong contractions, every day he breathed air on this earth. But then, I feel ungreatful because it's not fair that I don't get to hold him. I'm ungreatful for sadness, torment and bad dreams. I want the life I could have had full of joy and warm fuzzies. I want my baby to snuggle with and nurse. Those are the things I want to be thankful for.
Instead, I get to be thankful for sympathy and mourning. Some small comfort in the midst of this hell. I'm thankful for God's provisions, and that I'm allowing myself to be mad at him in spite. As a father he understands me.
Regardless of this life one thing I know for sure I can be thankful for, my family. Amazing. Abe, Dad, Mom, Nathan, Amy, Seth and Sarah, and of course all the munchkins. Also, the Henderson/McConnell side.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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