Imagine If...

We were out of green chilies for the taco soup at the bistro so I ran down to Safeway with the boys. We pulled up, turned the car off and Malachi quickly let himself out of his seat. I reached around and unbuckled Josiah and as I got out of the car and strong daydream hit me.

I reached into the middle carseat, rear facing, gray with red buttons. It was Ezra, and I picked him up, because he just turned 8 months old and hauling his carseat around was getting clumsy and heavy. I smooched his little olive skined forehead, right where his chocolate brown hair hung over his hairline, and he smelled of musty breast milk because the days are busy and I didn't have time to give him a bath for a few days.

And I realized how much I still love him...like he were right here with me. And not having a way to tell him, or show him is excuciating. I'm finding that nurturing spiritual realtionships with busy days and little rest is hard, I consider it would be difficult even well rested and with time on hand.

Happy 8 months Ezra.

Mommy still loves you.


Tears,
Jessica

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