Awaiting Mother's Day

It's often the anticipation of significant days that tortures me more than the acutal day, so here leading up to mother's day I'm a knot. I remember last mother's day in Alaska, I don't think we did much, probably went fishing, but I took some pictures with the boys, thinking to myself, next year there will be three. How presumptious aparently, because again, this mother's day if we take a photo, mom and her boys, there will only be two and I don't want it to be mothers day because of this. I'm not in the mood for writing....this life is so crazy, I'm not sure of my relationships, my finances, my emotions or mental state.... so I keep walking with a ill feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.

Happy mothers day to all the "happy" moms, I'll spend this one otherwise.

I love you precious Ezra. I still think about you every day. I wish youe were here.

Love, Momma