Something So Perfectly Wrong

The addition of pictures to my blog is bittersweet. I love and hate to look at pictures. They remind me of how beautiful he was, his brown hair so different from Malachi and Josiah. He looked exactly like Abe as a baby. What troubles me is his perfectly beautiful body, smile, hair, even his chubby little man boobies. How could something so terribly wrong be in such a perfect little human. If SIDS truly is deep in the most primitive parts of the human nervous system, how can the outer be so perfect. Oh, how this troubles me. I want him so badly, tonight more than last. What does our future hold? Feeling rather troubled tonight, missing Ezra more so than at times.

I love you Abe, Malachi, Josiah and Ezra.

I love you.

Momma