Start Smoking

I told Adri tonight that sometimes I think I should start smoking. Encourage a chronic illness like lung cancer. Don't freak out. I'm not suicidal and when I think about my life I know I'm here for a reason, that I love my family in it's disfunctional capacities and my mission is love.

I'm reveling in mystery. Have you ever read an amazing book? Where at the end you couldn't believe the authors creativity, developing the plot and bringing the story full circle for a finale that blows your mind at how they came up with it. I think thats what I sense God is doing with my life. I'll never understand the journey but I see God's miracles all the time. Tody I noticed that in the picture of Ezra that is everywhere in our house, his onsie is speckled with starts, one that Malachi and Josiah wore and displaying the image so close to my heart, shooting stars. Call it coincedence, I call it spirit.

So there are times I long to get to the end of the story, see how it all comes together. It seems like each day, a page, cannot be read fast enough to satisfy my confusion.

My goal. To live here and now, take each day for a precious gift. Write the page with love, laughter, tears and honest feelings.


I'm turning my thoughts towards our african adoption. More to come.


Peaceful,
Jess